i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
