I heard we made out
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
