is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My life is pants optional.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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