they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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