we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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