you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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