His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
