I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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