Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
