happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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