There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
