He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
