Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
