my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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