the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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