I like to think it a success when the cops are called
...so i touched it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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