Will you blow on my dice?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
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