when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
