We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
