i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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