I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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