Sponge bath it is.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hippo gnu deer
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
