there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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