I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I could make wine with my vomit
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
