Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
