i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize