i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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