Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
