Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All I want is dick and wine.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
