I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
