I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
