I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
