got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
