3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
