ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
