Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
