don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
