She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We need to get me chipped asap
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
