I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She bit a glass in half.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
