I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
