1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize