there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
