the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
