And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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