He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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