why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
