Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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