Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
