I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
