so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
