You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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