woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize