I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
