Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
