I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
