I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The beer is more important than you right now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
