Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
