I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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