smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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