Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
