I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
