I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
