3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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