oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
