i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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