i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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