who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So vagazzling was a success
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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