we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
