I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize