in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
