How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
