What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
