Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
