ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
