i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
