i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he thought i was a dude.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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