Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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