Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
